Well, it’s been a really long time since I’ve sat down to write anything. So long that I have managed to grow and deliver a tiny human. On September 20th we welcomed a baby boy into our family, Holden has taken over as CEO of our lives. Overall, he has been pretty great to work for.
I’m approaching one month of motherhood and hot damn, what a ride. I write this from my couch nest with my little babe snuggled in. It sounds sweet, and it is, but it’s also a full on hostage situation #sendchips. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fed, I’ve showered, I have snacks and Shondaland has taken over the TV. Everything I need is within an arms reach in fear of waking (detonating) this sleeping baby. When I feel him fall into a deep sleep I get the momentary courage to move him to one of his many “sleep spots” but then I remember, Greys is so much better with a sleeping baby: Do. Not. Move. Him. So, we sit and we snuggle and I settle in.
Settle, now that is an interesting concept for me. This is something I don’t do so well and perhaps is something I didn’t even recognize as a necessity until today, Day 24 of Holden’s life on the outside. Letting him be little is only achieved when I settle. Settle into the moment, the day, the short period of him actually being newborn. I’m astounded how quickly I became caught up in “don’t do this wrong, don’t mess it (it being the all encompassing term for parenthood) up. LiKe many new and first time parents, I wanted to do it “right”. I wanted him to sleep well and eat well and grow and develop and interact and have a routine. This just in: Dear Lisa, calm the eff down, SETTLE. So, there I sat and where I will continue to sit, settled in, with no expectations and working very hard to stay present in each moment.
Reading this, I know so many of you are rolling your eyes: those who know me are not surprised and those who have been in the trenches knowing all to well how unrealistic I was being. And yes, I was told over and over to simply sleep when baby sleeps, rest when I can and take sleep however and whenever it comes. Furthermore, I was told that routines do not exist in the beginning and to ‘just enjoy the baby, after all, you cannot spoil a baby!’ What I didn’t hear was that in doing all of this, I was letting him be little.
So today, on Day 24, I learned a valuable lesson in being present and how to truly settle. This has been one lesson of a thousand so far. My hope is to share these lessons with you; minimally filtered and grammatically edited ( I’ll do what I can through sleep deprivation). Writing has always been a creative outlet for me and this journey is by far the most raw. After all, I am the proud student of what is now a 7ish pound tiny human, how lucky I am.
Yours in parenthood,